biking alone

One day I was riding my mountain bike on the unpaved roads near our country home. I was coasting down a fairly steep hill and did not see an area of mud that had washed onto the road after the last downpour. I hit it and before I could react, I went down. Hard. I was dazed and gasping to get my lungs working again. I could do nothing but lay there, sprawled on my back looking up at the sky for what seemed a long time. The sky was a beautiful blue with a few wisps of white clouds. The birds were singing and there was a wonderful sweet smell wafting to me on the warm breeze. Crabapple, I thought to myself. All in all, aside from the buzzing in my head and the nagging pain in my hip and shoulder, it was pleasant laying there letting the cobwebs in my mind slowly disappear. Then it came to me like a flashing sign at the forefront of my consciousness, I could have died. Died right here, ALONE. That thought sent a jolt of adrenaline through my body-alone. Not the dieing part but the alone part. I always thought that you needed someone with you when you die, like I have been with loved ones in the past. Then I remember thinking; what would be so terrible dieing by myself on a beautiful day like this, doing something I really enjoy? I also though. I must have hit my head harder than I first realized because I really think I could do this; die by myself and be happy.
After taking an inventory of myself and my bike, I found nothing broken that would prevent me from getting back home, especially if I pushed my bike. Needless to say, it was a slow process and I had plenty of time to reflect on my earlier delusion or self discovery. The closer I got to home the more I was sure I didn't have brain damage or something equally debilitating, and found myself wanting to share the news with my family.
When I first hit the house and a general alarm went up that I had been in some sort of mishap, my family gathered around me. After hundreds of questions and admonishments to be more careful, I convinced everyone that I was sore but would heal. Then I dropped the bomb- "I know this sounds strange, but I just want you all to know, that if I die suddenly and you can't be with me, don't worry. I want you to know that I would be happy and would be thinking of all of you" I sure felt better after sharing this revelation in my life, but from the looks I was getting I would not have been surprised to see men with white coats pull in the driveway later that evening."

heart beats

Near death experiences? I don't know if I ever had a near death experience, but I did have a moment, when I had my first son in an emergency cesarean, when I sure felt as if the situation might have gone badly.
Me and my husband had a nice bag packed for the hospital. It even had a baseball hat with "Coach" written on it for him.
Well, I woke up and my water broke and everything was normal. I called the doctor and he asked if the contractions had started yet, but they hadn't so he told me to take a shower because I wouldn't get one for a long time. And so I did and everything was normal. It was only 4am or so by then.
So we went back to sleep and woke up a little later and went to the hospital. The nurse from the classes came and you know how everyone gets excited. The doctor came in, and oh, I liked that doctor. A young guy. So we were a smokin' and a jokin' and everything seemed alright, but then the doctor reached down with his stethoscope to listen to the baby's heartbeat and in a small moment everything stopped. He said that he could barely hear the baby's heartbeat and that we needed to do an emergency c-section.
And despite the fact that I knew I was in good hands, it dawned on me, as we were being wheeled into surgery that both of us might not make it. But everything went well in the end and it turned out that my son just had a naturally slow heartbeat and now he's as healthy as ever.

being good

"No, never accused of stealing, but I felt like I could never touch
anything in a store. So I didn't. Felt like someone was looking over
my shoulder. Guess my mom taught me that. No, never accused of
something I didn't do.

Some time I just changed my thinking and thought, 'Ah, heck with it
all.' Doesn't matter.

Had to file bankruptcy and my marriage fell apart. It all just WENT. I
asked myself, 'Do I want to carry all this dead weight around? No. Am
I happy with _____? No.

So now, it's like, 'Pffft. It doesn't matter.'

Yeah, I guess this was about five years ago."

halloween baby

I was born November 1st, but Mother always celebrated my birthday on Halloween. She gave wonderful parties, and dressed up as witch.

Halloween is still a special day in our family. Parties! We made great plans for my 70th birthday. We would go back to Minneapolis where I was born. But on October 26th there was a knock on our door.

"Who is it?" I called to my husband.
"Trick or treaters" he replied .
"But they're way too early! I don't have anything ready." I went to the door to see who was so brash as to come five days early.

There they stood. A giant banana, a pair of large fuzzy hands with yarn dripping from the fingers, and an explorer, fully prepared to find a New World, or to circumnavigate the globe.

The great mystery is how could they still fit into the costumes we made together decades ago.

plaid echoes

He sat beside me quietly, and it wasn’t until we had to choose a writing partner that I noticed him. Plaid shirt. Suspenders. Whether he was telling me of his close encounter with death at the age of 17 when he had rheumatic fever and the doctors put needles in his throat, or growing up on a farm in Missouri, or his navy experiences in Korea, or being accused of not doing a job he was told to do, he told his stories with studied confidence in what he was saying, as if he was reading out loud the story of his life.

To punctuate each story he told, he would turn and look at me with a wry smile and infectious crinkles beside his eyes. I know this face. I found myself looking at him and forgetting to listen. I couldn’t get past how much he reminded me of my grandfather and how much I felt I was having a conversation with him. Of all the people in the room, this was the person I was paired up with, someone with my grandfather’s face and manner. I knew I could draw his face, but I couldn’t do justice writing about him. I struggled to pull myself back in to his words, to listen to his words, his story, taking in the whole person before me.

iron hook

We had this tree, big tree. Somehow they built a playhouse up there in that tree. My brother fixed up a pulley with a rope that you could haul things up to that playhouse. It worked fine for getting furniture, boxes, anything like that up there. I don't know who of my brothers and sisters decided to do this, but someone thought about trying to pull me up to the playhouse.

Now this pulley had a big iron hook at the top. They wrapped the rope around my waist and started hauling me up. As I got near the playhouse I remember seeing my brother kind of reach out to me. Too late. The iron hook broke and came down on my head. I don't remember anything after that. That might have been a "near death" experience, but I'll never know.

birth

I was born in Kansas City. Mother was not expecting me this soon. We were 50 miles south of the city. Mother called my father at work, and he took her to the hospital. Mother said I had always been in a hurry ever since.

I was once near death. I was at home alone and had a miscarriage. I thought --no problem, I can handle the situation. Then I realized I needed help. I called my husband. He called the ambulance, and I ended up in the hospital. I could have bled to death.

whirlwind

The night before my 8th grade graduation the tornado siren went off, but the parents there said, "Aww...don't worry about that," so we just kept on dancing. Then about an hour later, like, we found out there really was a tornado, so we had to, like go to this bomb shelter or something and sit and wait. So there were, I don't know, hundreds of us sitting around in these little circles, in our little 8th grade dance dresses, you know. But I got to know a whole bunch of people I'd never even met before. And then the next day I graduated from 8th grade.